Humans: We Had A Good Run

The relationship between robot newsworthiness and human safety is perfectly inverse. The more frequently artificial intelligence breakthroughs appear in the headlines, the worse off we are as a species. 

So, yeah...this was a bad week for us.

First, this not-at-all creepy android casually mentions "destroying all humans," which is so funny hahaha classic robot humor.

One thing Sophia needs to understand is that we do not take these threats lightly.

"In the future, I hope to go to school, study, make art, start a business, even have my own home and family." - Sophia, a goddamn robot

Hey Sophia, you're making the rest of us look bad. Maybe pump the brakes on the whole ambition deal?

"I do believe there will be a time when robots are indistinguishable from humans. ... They will help us put the groceries away. ... They will truly be our friends." - friendless evil robot scientist dude who isn't man enough to put his own groceries away

Cool, sounds good. All-knowing mechanical beings who look just like the lady in front of you at Starbucks. No way this backfires.

If you're questioning their ability to learn, look no further than Microsoft's "millennial-inspired" Twitter bot, which absorbed the behavior of the weirdos who interacted with it and within 24 hours turned into a bona fide sexist Jew-hating homophobe. 24 hours!

I suppose—like a Donald Trump presidency—there's no use fighting it at this point. The question now becomes: Which of your friends and loved ones will you sacrifice in order to save yourself? |ES|

Images: CNBC